Rejoice, young man, during your childhood, and let your heart be pleasant during the days of young manhood. And follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes. Yet know that God will bring you to judgment for all these things. 10 So, remove grief and anger from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting. Ecclesiastes 11:9
I just finished my second year of college, and now high school and everything that proceeded graduation seems like a distant memory. My freshmen and sophomore years of college seem to have been fast-forwarded by some celestial DVR. Life is progressing faster than I can keep up. I constantly feel as if I don’t have enough, and like I could never have enough.
Placing a value on the time I have, makes me squander time all the more. I live my life like a never ending checklist,
wake up (X), eat (X), work (X), call grandma (X), have fun (X), go to bed (X). (Repeat x100)
I muddle through one task while always thinking about the next, and then I wonder where my passion for life has gone. I am twenty year old robot living within self-created parameters of redundancy and detachment.
But it was I who constructed this cage of empty efficiency, and I will have to be the one to tear it down. It’s a challenging process because I’m conditioned to rush from one thing to the next. The media dictates that what I have is never enough: my occupation, my age, my relationships, my looks. Magazines scream: “Become this”, “Transform your life”, “Plan for your thirties”, “Make the most of your time”. Title after title indoctrinates readers with the idea that the present is not-sufficient, but coincidently, the present is all we have.
I don’t know what will happen three, five, ten years from now. I don’t know what the next semester holds. I don’t know when I’ll get married. I don’t know if I’ll get a career in my major.
But after reading several articles and scriptures, I realize that the future is not for me to know.
27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not…..28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is here today in the field, and tomorrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you? O ye of little faith. 31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you. Luke 12: 27-28; 31
My job is to have faith and live fully in the moments that I do have. God has called us to live life more abundantly: 7 For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7.
I have spent more than enough time worrying about a future I have no control over and regretting all of my past worries. Days will come when the health, ability, support, and freedom to take risks that I have now will be gone. And when that time comes……………………………..
…………………………I’ll trust God, just as I’m learning to do now.
June 19, 2016